


Candy Cane Crack

by Malaise_Incarnate



Series: 2020 MCYT Christmas Advent Calender. [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 'Drugs', :), Answer: No but Philza dosen't know that, Candy Canes, Christmas, Fluff, Gen, Get Pranked Old Man, Hint: Is candy cane powder crack?, LMAO, No shipping, Phil treating Quackity as one of his kids, Quackity and Technoblade are friends, Quackity's friends with all of them, Teen and up cus this jokes about drugs a lot, Thirteen year old Tommy, family sbi, fluff?, no actual drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27854854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malaise_Incarnate/pseuds/Malaise_Incarnate
Summary: Techno ushered Quackity inside, shutting the door behind them and heading towards the living room. They took a seat on the couch next to each other, the basket of candy canes sitting on the coffee table in front of them. “So, did you have a plan?”“Well uh, I was thinking that we could, y’know, prank your dad?”Quackity grinned at him. It was the type of smile that Techno would normally see on Tommy's face.It was a gremlin grin.From his years of being around and living with Tommy, Techno knew that that kind of smile signified an excellent idea, one that promised chaos. Techno leaned forward, intrigued.“Oh? Do go on.”Quackity leaned forward too and told him his plan in exaggerated whispers, hands occasionally flailing as he explained himself. Techno chuckled, imagining his fathers reaction to Quackity's idea, before agreeing.They eyed the basket of candy canes lying innocuously on the table.It was time to get to work.ORTechno and Quackity prank local responsible person, Philza Minecraft, using Candy Canes.---------Written for the MCYT Advent calendar Prompts 2020.Day 2: Candy Canes
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Dave | Technoblade, Alexis | Quackity & Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Alexis | Quackity & Phil Watson, Dave | Technoblade & Phil Watson, Dave | Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, no ships - Relationship
Series: 2020 MCYT Christmas Advent Calender. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035492
Comments: 18
Kudos: 402
Collections: MCYT Advent Calendar Prompts 2020





	Candy Cane Crack

**Author's Note:**

> Bit late but here's day two! Also, there are lots of mentions and jokes about drugs in this, so if you're sensitive to that kind of thing, stay safe when reading -though it doesn't go into any explicit detail and no drugs are actually done, its better to be safe than sorry! Love ya'll <3

A knock on the door woke Techno up from his late afternoon nap. He grumbled as he blearily opened his eyes. Who could possibly be at the door? His dad and brothers were out for the day, 'enjoying the Christmas cheer', and Techno had adamantly refused to join them, not wanting to buy into the capitalist ploys of the super companies. 

He'd told them that, but they'd only laughed him off, before rushing to get ready. Techno didn't mind, he knew some people couldn't handle the truth. 

Techno also knew that because of this, it couldn't be them at the door -they all had keys and weren't supposed to be back for another hour or two. 

After another few seconds of annoying knocking, Techno’s curiosity got the best of him. He heaved himself up out of bed, threw on a sweater (a hideous Christmas themed one Phil had knitted for him), and then trailed downstairs to open the door. 

He was greeted by the sight of Quackity standing on the porch, clutching a basket full of candy canes and hopping from foot to foot, shivering.

“Oh thank Jebus you answered, I thought no one was home.”

“Quackity? What are you doing here? And what's with all the candy canes?”

“My Ma sent me to give candy canes to our neighbors, but nobody wanted them 'cus they're all old and fucking stale. I got bored of standing around outside in the cold, and I know my mum will have my ass if I return back with all the candies, so I thought ‘hey, why don’t I go see my favorite family of assholes!’, and uh, here I am!”

“I see, and what do you think we’ll be able to do with stale candy canes?”

“I dunno, maybe Tommy’ll want ‘em, or Phil will know what to do. Speaking of, where’re the rest of them?”

“Oh, they’re out participating in capitalist propaganda, it’s just me right now, sorry.”

“No, no, that's alright man! You’re great to hang out with! When you’re not being a prick.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“No problem! So uh, do you wanna help me get rid of these candies?”

“Sure, why not? I got nothing better to do, and you look like you’re freezing your ass off,” Techno ushered Quackity inside, shutting the door behind them and heading towards the living room. They took a seat on the couch next to each other, the basket of candy canes sitting on the coffee table in front of them. “So, did you have a plan?”

“Well uh, I was thinking that we could, y’know, prank your dad?”

Quackity grinned at him. It was the type of smile that Techno would normally see on Tommy's face. 

It was a gremlin grin. 

From his years of being around and living with Tommy, Techno knew that that kind of smile signified an excellent idea, one that promised chaos. Techno leaned forward, intrigued.

“Oh? Do go on.”

Quackity leaned forward too and told him his plan in exaggerated whispers, hands occasionally flailing as he explained himself. Techno chuckled, imagining his fathers reaction to Quackitys’ idea, before agreeing. 

They eyed the basket of candy canes lying innocuously on the table. 

It was time to get to work.

\----------------------------------

Nearly half an hour later, a pile of white and red powder lay on the table and Quackity was staring at Techno in awe.

“I still don’t understand. How were you able to crush more than forty candy canes in 20 minutes, when I was only able to do five?!”

“I’ve been training for years, fool, I have my secrets. You owe me ten dollars now.”

“Wait wait wait, uh the bet was a joke wasn’t it? Y’know it was just a friendly competition between pals, yeah?”

“I beat you 40 to 5, duck. My hands hurt now and I want my money.”

“Well, I can't really argue with that.”

Quackity fished a ten dollar note out of his pocket and handed it to the other. They began to tidy up the massive mess they'd made, shoving all the candy wrappers into the bin and washing off the sticky, left over, candy cane residue still on their hands. 

It was just in time too, as they heard the sound of the car pulling up into the driveway. The faint sound of the car door slamming, Tommy's loud chatter, Phils' resulting laugh. 

Techno reached out and sprinkled some of the candy cane powder onto the floor, table, and on himself and Quackity. 

They both sat themselves in front of the powder, sitting on the floor, propped up lazily against the couch. The front door clicked open and they heard Phil's humming as he came down the hallway.

"Technooooo, we're hooooome! Where are you?"

"I'm 'n the living r'm dad."

"I'll be right there," A pause. "Are you feeling okay Tech? You don't sound too good."

"Mmhm."

There was some faint shuffling, then Phil walked into the room. He nearly had a heart attack at the sight that greeted him.

His son and his friend Quackity were collapsed on the floor, dopey expressions on their faces with a pile of white powder laying in front of them. Said powder was everywhere, including their faces. 

"Techno? Quackity? What the fuck do you think you're doing?! Don't you know how bad drugs are for you?! Jesus Christ Techno, I never thought I'd have to have this talk with you, maybe with Tommy but that's besides the point! You know that doing drugs is bad, said it 'decreases brain function' which would hinder your fighting skills or some shit. I thought you'd never resort to this shit.” 

Phil's face turned from confused, to angry, to worried in the span of a few seconds, before he began to ramble in despair. 

“Oh god have you been lying about other things too? Oh what if Wilbur and Tommy are doing drugs too?! I really am the worst father ever. Don't worry Techno, we'll sort this out together, okay? Well first-"

Phil's rant was cut off by Techno and Quackity bursting out into laughter, clutching their sides, doubled in half, as full body chuckles took hold of them. Phil stared at them, worried and surprised.

"Oh god, they're worse than I thought! Okay, okay, deep breaths, calm down Phil. Techno? Quackity? Can you hear me? You've gotta listen to me, push through the fog okay? Calm down, it's all gonna be fine-"

"D-dad! I- I'm fin-e" Techno gasped out between laughs. Each time he was nearly calm, he glanced up at his father's horrified face and started laughing again. He guessed the same thing was probably happening to Quackity. "It's just a, it's just a prank!"

"W-what? No, you're high Techno you don't understand what's going on, but that's okay cuz I'm here now, and you and Quackity are gonna receive not only my care, but one hell of a talking to when you're no longer high as kites! Oh god I really have failed haven’t I-"

"DAD!" Techno interrupted, starting to see how much his dad was panicking. Usually Techno wasn't the best at picking up social cues, but his dad had been pacing back and forth across the living room carpet since he discovered them. "It's just a prank. It's not  _ actually _ drugs."

"Then what is it, huh, Techno? I’m not dumb, what do you want me to think it is, fucking sherbet?!"

"Close, actually, Mr. Philza sir," Quackity cut in. "It's crushed up Candy canes!!"

Phil stopped pacing and stared at the two teenagers, both of which were now sitting upright, smiling innocently up at him. 

"I'm sorry,  _ what _ ?"

At that moment Tommy burst into the room, Wilbur following behind him at a slower pace. Wilbur's jaw dropped as he saw what Phil had been yelling about, before a sly grin began to spread across his face. He leaned against the wall, happy to let the scene play out. While Wilbur may have noticed what was going on, Tommy, the little shit, was just as oblivious as ever.

"TECHNO TECHNO - Oh hi Quackity - YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I FOUND AT THE STORE- Hey, wait a minute... are you two doing drugs?! I want some!" 

The thirteen year old rushed forward, but was yanked back by Phil. The situation had already been a mess, and Phil didn't need the tiny terror to be involved as well.

"NO! None of you are doing drugs, not on my watch! I don't care if they're candy or otherwise!"

"Wait. It’s just candy? Dang it." Tommy stared sadly down at the pile on the table. Phil released him from his grip, satisfied the child wouldn’t make another break for the ‘drugs’. "Oh well, there's always next time."

"THERE WILL NOT  _ BE  _ A ‘NEXT TIME’!" 

Phil pinched the bridge of his nose, staring down at the group of pranksters before him. Phil took a few deep breaths, thinking over the situation carefully. His son and his friend had obviously done this to push his buttons, and, since no one had gotten hurt -apart from his heart and ego - he guessed he could see the funny side of this situation. Phil slowly started to smile. 

“I can’t deny it though, you two troublemakers got me good. I really thought I’d have to send you to rehab and join a shitty ‘Fathers-group-to-cope-with-crushing-failure’ club or something.”

“We all know you’d only last a day before breaking us out Dad.”

Techno grinned up at him. Phil smiled back and chuckled, the others joining in too. Although he wasn't happy his son and Quackity had tricked him, Phil couldn't deny that it  _ was _ kind of funny.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up. But y'know what I’ve decided? I'm banning Candy Canes from this household. If any of you little shits bring a candy cane home ever again, you're on washing up duty for a month. I’m gonna have to add it to the  _ Rule Book _ now."

"Pffft, yeah guys," Tommy grinned. "No more Candy Cane Crack, or else!"

"Tommy!"

Everyone started laughing again, even Phi. He smiled fondly down at the missmatched, ragtag bunch he called his family, before uttering six words that shattered the peace. 

“So, who’s cleaning up this mess?”

  
  
  


**_END_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Was tempted to call this 'Crackity and Cracknoblade', or something along those lines, but decided against it last minute. Hope you enjoyed reading this mess, love all of you dumbasses <33


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